The Land Rover Owners Ex Wife

……becoming me again

Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No it’s flapjack and it’s banned!


It is fair to say that over recent years, many of the decisions made in the name of Health and Safety have, for many of us ordinary mortals, been frankly mystifying and hard to fathom. Looking at all the rules and regulations now in force, one has to say that it is nothing short of a miracle that so many of us made it to maturity.

I remember Autumn days in the playground with hoards of eager children, clutching conkers threaded on to old and fraying laces, waiting their turn to battle it out with the current champion to earn the title of Conker Champion of the school, spectators ducking to avoid bits of and sometimes whole conkers, complete with part of a lace which has finally snapped, flying through the air at break neck speeds.

Snowball fights at break times, the reward for making the slow but necessary trudge through foot deep drifts to get to school.

All key memories of my childhood and yet, these days, H&S dictates that these behaviours are not allowed: children must not be allowed out in snow in case they slip and hurt themselves and heaven forbid that a conker might find its’ way onto the playground. But how are our children supposed to learn how to observe and predict when situations may be a tad more dangerous than normal, or how to deal with conditions and situations that are not what is considered a normal, everyday occurrences, if we are forever preventing them from expriencing these things in the name of H&S?

There are certain plants we can’t plant in the school flower borders because someone has discovered that, if eaten they may be toxic – well I’m sorry but removing a potential hazard is doing more harm than good in my opinion and, anyway, by the time a child reaches school, it should surely know not to eat flowers and berries from plants where ever they are.

The most recent example of this over-bearing nannification of the UKs’ population and, in particular, school children came to light yesterday and I have no doubt at all that it has left most right minded, commonsensical people speechless in it’s stupidity. To be fair, even the Health and Safety Executive itself has been rendered speechless with disbelief this time.

A school in the UK has banned triangular flapjack from its’ lunchtime menu! Why? Because some obviously undisciplined child has thrown a piece of the biscuit at another child and it has hit them in the face. The injury did not require hospital treatment and yet, instead of cracking down on such behaviour within the school, the Head teacher has banned the triangular shape and will only allow rectangular or square flapjacks to be baked by the cook.

This of course makes perfect sense …. not. Let’s see, a triangular flapjack has three hard and pointy corners, whereas a square or rectangular piece has 4! Surely the only safe shape is a round one but, as anyone who has ever had flapjack will tell you ANY form of flapjack hitting you in the face will hurt so why not ban it completely, along with any other hard edged biscuit?


6 thoughts on “Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No it’s flapjack and it’s banned!

  1. Triangular flapjacks who knew?! Since moving to New Zealand 4 years ago the Nanny State of England became even more magnified to me. I took my 2 year old son to the local playgroup and was astonished to see a fully set up work bench with real hammer, real nails and….real saw! My son adored it and didn’t cut himself or hurt his thumb on the hammer (obviously I supervised and all the other parents did the same with their children). My son became really good at hammering in nails! Can you imagine that at an English playschool…. Children need to learn by doing in a safe environment in order to develop Common Sense.

    • Lol – Oh my! I think the health and Safety officials would have heart attacks at just the thought of such a set up but my girls would love it! The whole ‘take it away before they hurt themselves’ philosophy drives me mad. The woman who oversees the planting up of the flower planters at the school my girls go to, was told not to plant or even to remove certain flowers because they were poisonous if eaten!!!

      Hello! Pardon my old fashioned ways but shouldn’t parents have taught basics such as ‘don’t eat anything from the garden unless you are told by an adult it is safe to do so’ when their children were toddlers? Removing the plants is far more dangerous in the long term, in my opinion, than keeping them in situ and adding ‘don’t eat anything out of the garden’ to the playground rules!

      Thank you for popping in, by the way 🙂

  2. Where we live is very rural. In fact the Primary school that my son attends is the smallest in England with 60 pupils. Now I have seen many things since moving here over the past few years that really would make your hair curl, but that aside, I am so pleased with the way our school is run and the things they get up to makes me jealous in a nice way. The have a teacher that teaches them how to correctly light and put out fires in the woodland, how to make shelters in the woodland. I remember once my daughter came home with a cut on her foot. I asked her how she had hurt herself, and she said that the was using a pitch fork in school. Furiously, I telephoned the school and the teacher explained that he had taught the children how to use it properly and if she had hurt herself, she had not been using the tool correctly or as she was taught.

    Well that shut me up, and fair enough, I agreed with him.

    I do agree that H&S is beyond a joke in places, but I will not even mention some of the things I have seen some of the farmers doing ;o)

    • Lol, I start every Gardening Club session with a recap of the rules and the correct way to use whatever equipment might be necessary for the completion of the days jobs. So far, so good but I’m sure that at some point I’ll have to deal with a disgruntled parent but I’ll be able to explain exactly why their child got dirty, slightly injured etc and point out the fact that full and clear instructions were given 🙂

      Think I might give fire-lighting and pitchforks a miss though – not sure the head would support the use of either for any reason 😀

  3. That flapjack story is hilarious and sad too! I agree with you 100%, it’s so infuriating how all this ridiculous health and safety stuff is affecting our kids, how on earth are they going to cope in the real world when our government forces them to be wrapped in cotton wool like this? I’m heartily sick of it!

    • It’s not just the kids though is it because with the powers that be making all these decisions and choices for everyone, people start to expect it and wont do things for themselves. It’s like houses getting flooded and then homeowners/occupiers who haven’t bothered to get insured because they apparently couldn’t afford to insure their 60″ plasma TVs, numerous computer and games equipment and mega expensive 3 piece Italian leather suites, demanding the Government (aka taxpayer) bail them out with cash for new 60″ plasma TVs, games consoles etc etc.

      Nothing wrong with the odd bumped head or scraped knee – didn’t do us any harm 🙂

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