The Land Rover Owners Wife

‘A nice film’ the Land Rover owners definition


“Are there any good films on?” Mud asked a mere 20 minutes or so ago.
I didn’t know but I offered to check the on-line TV guide to see what was on offer. I should probably mention at this point that we have free view only, having never felt the need for Sky or Cable or to purchase the latest releases from the variety of on-line film rental companies that are about. In fact, until just a few months ago we only had the one television working in the house, set up in the lounge but which also acts as a computer screen for our jurassic PC which in itself has served us well for the last 5 years or so.

We’ll have none of this modern, state of the art miniscule technology, thank you very much and Mud and I simply don’t understand why people like to watch films on a 2 inch screen etc but that’s beside the point.

Anyway, the duo purpose of our TV works well, most days but there are times when Mud wants to visit Virtual Landy World or peruse the available vehicles on Ebay and I want to watch CSI or NCIS etc and then having the one screen becomes an issue which inevitably ends up with one of us sulking in the corner.

So when Mud came across our much smaller, older flat screen, in the attic whilst looking for something else, he decided to install it on our bedroom wall, using the TV arm that happened to be stored up there with it. He was also able to locate the original set top Free View digi-box which we had bought about 7 or 8 years ago because the smaller TV does not have a built in digi-box, and as if that isn’t shocking enough to those of you who are gadget fiends, it isn’t even HD ready! So now if one of us is on the computer and the other wants to watch a film or some such thing, we have the capability.

So back to tonight and Muds quest to find a decent film to watch. Having quickly scrolled down the list of programmes currently or imminently available he settled on two possibles: a true life based film starring a yummy, younger Harrison Ford ‘K-19 The Widowmaker‘ or George Romeros ‘Land of the Dead‘ which is a horror.

I don’t like horror films and I certainly do not regard them as a ‘nice film’ for a Saturday evening and so the Harrison Ford movie appealed to me. Mud, on the other hand,  loves a good horror film and thinks I am a wimp.

“You never let me watch what I want,” he moaned, “and I always have to watch that CSI rubbish!” he continued.

This is  a tad unfair these days, as I haven’t seen any of this season of CSI, or the Mentalist (the Red John storyline has become so old and tired now and needs resolving) and I usually end up watching other series from this range, NCIS, for example, on the ‘+1’ channel AFTER Mud has gone to bed. But I kept my tongue firmly in my head, saying nothing.

“I really want to watch the horror film,” he said, “And the other film only has a two star rating.” This was opposed to the hugely different three star rating (out of a possible 5) the horror had – the extra star makes all the difference obviously. Not that these ratings mean anything anyway, as we have long since come to the conclusion that the person who rates films for this particular on-line guide, is intellectually challenged and wouldn’t know a good film if came up and hit him on the head – which frankly I wish it would!

Flicking between the details of both films he then delivered what he thought would be the deal maker:”The horror finishes half an hour earlier than the Harrison Ford film!”

Oh goody!

So I’ll only be scared out of my wits for 90 minutes instead of 120!


Why didn’t you say so in the first place?

Having given the matter careful consideration over a period of 10 seconds, I decided that I would rather gaze admiringly at Harrison Ford for an additional 30 minutes, watching a film about a leaking nuclear submarine, accepting that I’ll be a little bit more tired in the morning. You see what Mud forgot to factor in was that I am a wimp and the 30 minutes less viewing time is completely lost on me because I would be so freaked out by the film that I wouldn’t get to sleep at all!!!

So, in case you haven’t worked it out yet, Mud is currently 40 minutes into his horror upstairs and I have opted to type this post instead, secure in the knowledge that he will get to see his film which finishes 30 minutes earlier than the Harrison Ford movie and I haven’t started watching the other film which means I wont feel compelled to watch the end of the film and will be able to get some shut eye earlier than expected. As for Mud himself, the next time he says I never let him watch watch the films he likes, I can prove otherwise – sorted.

All I do need to do now, is work on his definition of a good Saturday night film!


2 thoughts on “‘A nice film’ the Land Rover owners definition

  1. The upstairs TV sounds like an excellent way to keep a happy marriage, we often have the same problem here and I’m usually outnumbered by the boys choice (usually scrapheap challenge or top gear!) I quite agree with you on the horror film v Harrison Ford, i’d always opt for Harrison and I haven’t watched a horror film since Nightmare on elm street at a school sleepover circa 1986! (it still gives me the odd nightmare!)

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