Updates to my blog and visits to the blogs of those I follow, have been a little thin on the ground recently. Part of the reason for this, is that I have been busily working away on Eldest Mudlets’ Christmas present (now finished, post to follow after she visits for Christmas) but mostly because I haven’t had the impetus to actually sit down and put pen to paper, so to speak. I’ve tried to start several different posts about various things but these have remained in draft status until I’ve either finally got around to finishing and publishing them, or consigned them to the trash pile. I guess I’ve had a kind of Bloggers Block and needed to take a bit of time away, to try and recharge my writing batteries, ready for another year of rambling on about gardens, Landrovers, knitting and baking etc.
Having given the matter some thought, I think that part of my problem at the moment is that I really, really want to try and write a book. Yes! I know! Loads of people dream of writing their own book and getting it published and only a tiny percentage of people ever actually achieve it. But I’ve had this dream for over 30 years now and in recent months the book that I have floating around in my head has appeared in my thoughts more and more, shouting ‘Come on! Now’s the time’. It’s getting harder to ignore but my courage is not yet at a level where I can confidently sit down and start to type and I’m not sure it ever will be.
You see, I’d want to hide away and write in private but we don’t have that capability in Mudville. The PC is connected to the TV which means that unless you’re the only person in the house at any given time, anything you do on the computer is in full view of all other inhabitants. It’s bad enough on those occasions when I’m writing a blog post and Mud or the Mudlets’ are in the room. It’s daft but I feel self conscious about my writing, or to be more precise, the actual writing process, as I’ll often do the initial draft and then reread it, tweaking it here and there until it’s fit enough, in my opinion, to publish. Sometimes the finished post will bear absolutely no resemblance whatsoever to the first draft but that’s because I have taken the time to refine it, restructure it, hopefully make the reading process flow much smoother, more fluently. I think there is a definite, noticeable difference in a post I’ve rushed because I have an audience and one where I’ve been able to take my time, smooth out the creases, jiggle it about.
Unfortunately I can’t see a way around this problem for the foreseeable future and so I will have to live with my unfulfilled dream, the nagging book held captive in my subconscious , the frustration of not being able to let it out and instead, having accepted that this is the way things have to be for now, I will continue to hone my writing skills on my readers here …….. you poor things.