The Land Rover Owners Ex Wife

……becoming me again

It’s my birthday and I’ll dine where I want to …….

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Birthday cakeWhen Mud asked Little Mudlet where she would like to go for her birthday meal, it came as no surprise to any of us when she said:

“Pizza Hut.”

Pizza Hut is Little Mudlets favourite place in the world to eat and she has even volunteered it as a venue for other celebrations such as Mothers Day, Fathers Day, everybody elses birthday but as much as she loves the place, so Mud hates it …. with a vengeance. No, when it comes to family restaurants, Mud would much prefer to sit down to the mixed steak platter at the local Beefeater and, to be fair, I can see his point because they have always cooked his steaks perfectly. Not that there is much cooking involved when it comes to Muds preference: not quite mooing but not far off!

“I can’t believe you’d rather go to Pizza Hut and not the Beefeater or Frankie and Bennys,” was Muds disgusted response to his youngest daughters announcement and so it was that a scant half hour later and with a hard done to look on his face that would have put your average Labrador to shame, we set off for lunch.

Actually, to be accurate we set of for the big Tesco first, as we needed replacement ink cartridges for the printer and Mud had rashly promised the girls new Halloween costumes. Ten minutes down the motor way and I was startled out of my contemplation of the torrential rain through which we were driving by Muds exasperated cursing as he realised that he hadn’t remembered to write down the cartridge numbers.

“Can you remember what the numbers were?” he asked.
“Err, no!” I replied, “Why would I remember something like that? It’s over a year ago since we bought them!”
“It’s no good,” he said after a few seconds, “We’ll have to go back and get them.”

Little Mudlets new Halloween dress

Little Mudlets new Halloween dress

Bearing in mind the cost of printer cartridges and as we had lots of time in hand, I had no problem with this suggestion and so was quite surprised when we drove passed the next slip road (off ramp for non UK residents) and shortly thereafter arrived at Tesco!

Choosing the costumes for the girls was the first task …. because they were right by the door and we had to pass them to get to the printer inks! Followers of this blog will know that Middle Mudlet is not one for dresses, so I was mildly surprised to hear Mud trying to persuade her to buy a lady vampire dress costume instead of the boys trousered version.

The look she gave him spoke volumes as she uttered in the tight voice often used when speaking to numpties and those who are foolish enough to annoy her “I do not wear dresses!”

Even Little Mudelt gave him her best ‘What are you on?‘ look as she took the dress he had been holding and decided that, unlike her sister, she loved it. Sadly that particular dress wasn’t in her size but we did find a very similar one a couple of racks further down and she was more than happy to accept this alternative while her sister settled happily for the boys vampire set and we moved on.

“It’s this one! I remember the green packet” I said triumphantly, short while later, when Mud and I were looking at the packets of inks trying to remember which ones were the correct ones.

“Are you sure?” he asked and before I could respond Middle Mudlet chimed in that she also remembered the packet.

At £45 for a packet of 4 large capacity inks, Mud was a little dubious and so I pointed out that we would be able to check the serial numbers once we got home and then if they were wrong I’d be able to bring them back for an exchange but if they were correct then we were sorted!  Convinced by that reasoning, we bought the inks paid for the rest of the items we’d picked up and then headed to Pizza Hut.

Pizza Hut! Oh how Mud despises Pizza Hut but this wasn’t his birthday treat. It has to be said that Pizzas aren’t the thing that attracts Little Mudlet. No, it’s the unlimited salad and that awful ice-cream factory thing both of which she invariably doesn’t finish, However, we sat down in one of the booths, ordered our food and whilst waiting for it to arrive Mud decided to get out his new toy, oops I meant phone and look for our printer and check which inks we needed.

“I don’t believe it,” he exclaimed, “It was the blue pack of inks we needed!”

Middle Mudlets Vampire outfit was a little short in the leg

Middle Mudlets Vampire outfit was a little short in the leg

I was a little perplexed by this, as I was absolutely convinced that it had been a green packet last time but Mud showed me a picture of a printer which did indeed look just like ours and the inks listed for it were the blue ones!

“Well, we’ll just have to pop back across to Tesco after lunch then.”

The Mudlets each chose a small deep pan pizza from the children’s menu, whilst Mud and I decided on a split ‘large’ cheesy bites pizza: Meat Supreme for me and Blazing Inferno for him.

Did I say ‘Blazing Inferno’? A far more honest description of Muds’ half would be “Blazing Inferno after the fire brigade has extinguished it‘, as with just 6 slices of pepperoni and three, that’s THREE, small pieces of jalapenos on the thinnest pizza base I have ever come across: there would have been more heat in an ice cube! For someone who doesn’t like Pizza Hut at the best of times this was not good and with a good deal of huffing and puffing and much muttering about there being more topping on a Morrisons take away pizza (he had a point) Mud trudged back up to the salad bar and brought back a load more jalapenos to sprinkle on top – he was not a happy camper.

In the meantime the girls were busy munching their way through their own pizzas. Just as Mud sat down, Little Mudlet announced that she would take the rest of her pizza home because she wanted to leave room for her ice-cream. Thoroughly fed up Mud declared that we would could have bought a take away pizza from one of the supermarkets for the price of Little Mudlets lunch and what was the point of coming out to eat if you were going to be taking half your pizza home. Oddly enough, my explanation that Little Mudlet didn’t actually come to Pizza Hut for Pizza but for the ice-cream factory, did little to lift his mood.

The right ones? Ur no the wrong ones - oops

The right ones? Ur no the wrong ones – oops

We finally finished the meal, paid and headed back to the car and drove back to Tesco, at which point the girls and I agreed that there was really very little point all of us getting back out into the torrential rain to exchange the cartridges and, furthermore, we kindly nominated Mud for this role. On the plus side, the blue packet was significantly cheaper than the green but  …..

A twenty minute drive later and we arrived back home, unpacked the girls and the shopping (and Little Mudlets left over pizza which the staff had kindly boxed up for her).

“I don’t believe it!” was the exasperated cry we heard a few seconds later, “You were right! It’s the green box we need not the blue!”

So tomorrow I need to pop back to Tesco to get the next size up in vampire costumes for Middle Mudlet because the 9-10 years one we got is far too short in the leg and I also need exchange the cartridges …. again!


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